213. Who am I really?
I feel like I've written something about this already. About 2 years ago, I've talked about personality tests and the works. At the time, I felt like these personality tests were constructing a character sheet for me based on these arbitrary systems.
At the time, I saw personality tests as just a fun way to socialize (I still do!). I used to read about cognitive functions and typology, not because I believed in them, but because they gave me a framework to observe people and communicate better. But I also noticed that a lot of people take them way more seriously than I do. Some even use them to justify avoiding entire groups of people- like the astrology girlies who warned me against talking to Cancer men because they’d be "too sensitive" for me. Ironically, I once dated a Cancer guy who completely disregarded my feelings. So much for astrological accuracy.
And when I took the MBTI test again after five years, I kept getting different results. One test said I was an even split across all categories. Another insisted I was "really introverted" and "really feeling." And that’s when it really clicked for me. I think people aren’t static. Most of us are in-betweeners, shifting between tendencies depending on circumstances, experiences, and growth.
I would say, after taking that MBTI test, it seems like I am a little bit more extroverted? I'm still in the middle, that "in-between" stage, I guess? I was told by my friend that I was either an "explorer" or a "director" by Four Temperaments assessment? I had another person assess my numerology future using my birthday.
I have seen a lot of discourse about "finding yourself" and "knowing yourself" in the best way you possibly can. Is that such a thing? One of the questions that I added in my post, "30 questions for me and for you" was:
5.) Will I ever know myself?
6.) Will anyone ever really know me?
I was thinking about these two questions in particular. Also, thank you for those who answered via email already! I really appreciate it! I'm slowly trying to go through my inbox as we speak :)
Lately, I've noticed that a lot of my friends are on a quest to define themselves - through personality tests, numerology, enneagram types, astrology, or whatever new system pops up to categorize people neatly into boxes. In my writing group, I've made many new friends that actually are thinking of becoming Enneagram Experts or Numerology Professionals. And I get it. There’s something comforting about having a label, a framework that explains why you are the way you are. It makes you feel like there’s a reason behind your quirks, your struggles, your strengths. Like you belong to a specific blueprint of existence.
But the more I think about it, the more futile it feels. The thing is, we are constantly changing. Who I was five years ago is not who I am today, and who I am today will not be who I am in another five years. And that’s not a bad thing. Change is the only constant in life, after all.
Personality tests and typologies can be fun - they can give you a language to describe yourself and help you recognize patterns in your behavior. But they’re not a destination. They’re not a definitive answer to the question of “Who am I?” because that question isn’t something you can answer once and be done with. It’s an ongoing, evolving thing. And when people cling too hard to their “type,” sometimes it can feel like they’re boxing themselves in rather than expanding.
Maybe you’ve taken a test and it told you you’re introverted, so now you avoid social situations because you think they’re inherently draining for you. Maybe it told you that you’re a free spirit, so you resist routines even when they might actually bring you peace. Maybe it told you you’re bad at commitment, so you stop trying to grow in that area. But what if these things aren’t set in stone? What if you’re more adaptable than you think?
I think the beauty of being human is that we’re allowed to outgrow old versions of ourselves. We’re allowed to change our minds. We’re allowed to surprise ourselves. And sometimes, the most growth happens when we stop looking for a neat little box to fit into and just live, experience, and let time shape us in ways we can’t predict.
So, by all means, take the tests, read the descriptions, have fun with them - but don’t let them define you. You’re not a fixed set of traits. You’re a work in progress, and that’s a much more interesting thing to be.
~ change is the only constant,
<3 K