182. Tough talks and tough love
As I’ve gotten older, I feel a lot more comfortable talking with family members about my personal life and asking about their experiences about it.
“Yeah I really think him breaking up with you is just an excuse, palangga 1 . Maybe you should start acting a little less Westernized, especially you’re in Asia. It’s a bit of a turn-off.” My tita 2 was trying to offer some kind words, but it ended up being a little bit unsupportive… I get what she’s saying though. I was a bit peeved when she says that guys prefer a more traditional gal. “You’re too free, Kayla. No guy is going to think you’re wifey if you’re traveling all the time. It’s not fair on them.”
“But I am straightforward with them with what I want though.” I had to argue back. “I want stability too.” I’m really torn at the moment, honestly.
I’m not exactly sure what to think these days. I’m sure if I just keep being myself, I could find someone that likes me for me. It had been a while since I was in a relationship, so the break up is hurting me a little more than usual. I don’t want to let myself get bitter about love. I’ve already have had a lot of bad experiences. I had taken a break from dating earlier, and I guess I’m due for another hiatus now.
The other day, a close friend of mine took me out. She gave me some good insight and is really truly helping me through this dark time right now. This particular friend has had a similar situation to mine, but she and her boyfriend had only known each other for three months before splitting up, then coming back together again.
“I wish I really had your situation, Kayla. Almost all of my boyfriend’s family hate me. It’s a really tough, honestly.” I don’t envy her position at all. She told me about how her partner’s relatives were so ostracizing and cold to her, but I guess the difference is - her boyfriend is really truly in it and supporting her and staying by her throughout. Honestly, I guess it really all ends up being choice anyway. If he wanted to, he would. This makes me even sadder.
I’m visiting more of my family as the holiday season goes on. As I sat at the airport, I received a complimentary beer at the airport lounge. I was kinda alone with my thoughts and downed it all before taking a quick nap on the flight over.
Dear old friend OWEB insisted that he picked me up from the airport. This dear friend actually visited me in April of this year, but I have been too caught up on life that I haven’t written about his nice little visit at all. Now’s a good time as ever, so I’ll be slowly updating and uploading photos during this month as I prepare for the next year.
Being back home for the holidays is always so heartwarming. My brother and I had a heart-to-heart before I fell asleep and I woke up early, once again. I’m still kinda jet lagged, but I like waking up before sunrise these days. Being up from sunrise to sunset feel pretty good to me.
I think I keep torturing myself just thinking about my break up, so I decided to do something overly productive to take my mind off of things. I locked in and distracted myself by cleaning. So today, I cleaned the entire kitchen by myself and helped tidy my younger sister’s room. My mom arrived home in the early afternoon, pleased because of my manic bout of KonMari organization in the house. In the afternoon, my mom and I wrapped presents as I teared up, telling her about the end of my relationship. I felt oddly productive today, but I had to just take it easy.
I filled this random bin with all of these expired food stuffs
~ free beer!
<3 K
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