164. Identity change and a triumphant return

12 Jul, 2024

Hi, it's Kayla. I changed my blog URL. I've always had "my thoughts are marbles, roll with me" as the title of my blog, but my screen name didn't match up. I've been meaning to change my name for a while now.

Also, I’ve been away a little longer than I anticipated. I was halfway through my blogging break when I realized… I needed a longer break. I've been on hiatus for quite a while and I'm eager to tell my tall tales again.

I don't really want to get into all of the details. I'm a little bit behind on my lore and I have many stories to share over these past few months. All you really need to know is that I was away for three main reasons:

1. Work
2. Family obligations
3. A much-needed mental break

Why the name change?

• so it matches the title
• I like marbles (e.g., marble cake, paper marbling, etc.)- more on that later

Naming a blog is quite similar to naming a child. Well, maybe not as significant- but lots of thought involved. Does this name have meaning to me? What will other people think when they hear it? Will it bring up an alternative meaning in people’s minds?

I didn't really put much thought into the name at first. I just went with my screen name from discord and thought it was good to go. I wasn't really particularly attached to the name either. At that moment, I just wanted to put my thoughts down and share it with people, not really concerning myself with the big details because I thought people knew me as Kay/Kayla and that was enough for me.

--

When I wrote down the title of my Bear Blog, it was a callback to an old blog I had, but had quickly abandoned when I was 16 years old. A decade later, and I still claim it. I seems like I've been consistent over the years.

I like marbles. I love a metaphor. We'll combine them ¹.

My mom used to collect marbles as a kid and she kept them in a giant jar. I don't have a photo of it since we gave it away a long time ago, but we had it for a while, collecting some dust in the back of a shelf. She told me that she liked playing with them when she was a kid and she had collected a lot of them when she was young. I thought it was a very cute hobby and made me think that my mom was just a child, like me. It's funny how I've known her all my life and I can't fathom the fact that she was young too.

My title's a two parter, inspired by two sayings that I've always adored. The first being prompted by the idiom, "lose your marbles" and the second part, "roll with me?". I thought that they were funny to me.

I like to think that my thoughts are like little marbles. Whether it's a fleeting idea or a deeply rooted belief, every thought stands on its own, contributing to the mosaic of our consciousness. Over time, a marble collector (like my mom) gathers an impressive assortment of marbles, each one chosen and cherished. Our thoughts, too, accumulate over time. We collect memories, learnings, and insights, storing them in the vast repository of our mind. Just as a collector can reach into their jar and pull out a specific marble, we can recall particular thoughts and memories at a moment's call.

Now, I don't want to lose all of these marbles, that's why I've been so antsy about recording my thoughts down. But sometimes I feel, that there is a certain beauty in the chaos of marbles scattered across a floor, just as there is in the seemingly chaotic flow of our thoughts. Both are inherently unpredictable, yet fascinating to observe. I'm human, after all.

While we often value rationality and control, there is undeniable value in occasionally losing our marbles. Embracing these moments as part of the human experience allows us to live more. So, don't be afraid to lose your marbles once in a while, it honestly might just be the best thing you can do for yourself.

I know I felt like I've been losing it sometimes... but sometimes you can just pull yourself together and feel better :)

~ roll with me,

<3 K

🍄 https://marblethoughts.bearblog.dev/