157. Compounding heartbreaks and unsent love letters
I think one of the biggest reasons why I was utterly pissed off at the dude for ditching me was all of that built-up anticipation, only to be disappointed at the very end. I had this really big expectation, but I think I really shouldn't count on people too much. In my mind, I hadn't had a little trip in a while, and having that cool rendezvous experience with a cute guy? I was so keen.
I can't believe that I made plans with someone, looked forward to our weekend getaway, only to find out he's changed his plans without a word and flew off somewhere instead. It completely left me feeling confused and downright pissed off. I didn't think I deserved to be left hanging like that and to not have an in-person apology. I haven't even seen him ever since we went to the museum together 1 2.
I said this right after he sent me like 10 whole paragraphs of apology and explanation. To be honest, I thought my question was pretty valid lol
After we visited the museum, I had a little bit of time during the middle of the week to go back to the museum gift shop to buy the little notebook that he was staring at for a good 20 minutes. Jesus Christ, I had the patience of a saint. I thought that him taking such a long time at the gift shop was super endearing at the time. I said nothing and waited for him to decide on a magnet and was enamored that he really thought hard for his loved ones. But looking back at that moment, damn that took a while. And for what?
When I walked back to the gift shop, I bought the little notebook (6 RM/$1.27 USD/1,17 Euro) and put it in a little folder and wrapped it up for him. I included little notes in it and wrote him a postcard from Malaysia, just as a safe-keeping and a memento from his 3-month stay. In retrospect, perhaps it was a little bit overly romantic, but at that point we had been dating for 3 weeks and I felt like it wasn't a huge effort on my part.
I don't know what I'm going to write in this notebook now...? Evil plots and schemes?
He even told me that it was "more than okay to be romantic" and that "I shouldn't suppress that side of me." He even gifted me a resistance band from Decathlon because I wanted to use it for training for climbing. I thought it was a nice gesture, so I wanted to do the same for him, but in my own little way.
The lesson I learned is: lower my expectations and don't do girlfriend things for people that don't deserve it.
I am so embarrassed
Words of encouragement from my friend
I'm just bitter. As time goes on, I'll make my peace with this whole ordeal, but for now, I think it's alright to be upset about this for the time being.
~ bittersweet,
<3 K
🍄 https://marblethoughts.bearblog.dev/
Actually, that's a lie. I scrolled way too hard on Instagram and found a video reel of him on some Instagram travel influencer's account when he went to Vietnam. I recognized him based on the T-Shirt he had. Basically, the title of the video was like 'when you skip going to to all the touristy spots and visit different coffee shops with a French boy instead'. He looked good (God I hate that), but he seemed miserable. Some people were eviscerating him in the comments section. Some comments were saying: Look at his body language girl, he don't want to be there... that brought me some contentment. schadenfreude fr.↩
I had white-out the usernames for privacy
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