201. My time in the woods and anticipating others' thoughts
I had an interesting time hiking and camping with my friends in the woods, in our friend's homestead. We had a really difficult time getting the campfire started and had some interesting and absurd discussions, but it was an alright time overall. We were trying to help console our buddy, who wasn't really having a good time and headspace. He basically started having a "crash out" in the middle of the dark in the woods. It was a little scary, but we managed to stay calm and have a peaceful time afterwards. As peaceful as it can be at least.
I had some thoughts about this and wrote observations I had while looking at the stars while sipping on my pale ale the other night.
Seems like each man is an island. By studying other islands, what they grow, how they thrive, you can piece together patterns and draw connections. You can see whether they have generally similar vegetation, fauna, climate, etc., and we can infer that life on those islands is probably similar. Therefore, similar-looking events have similar causes.
The keen observer of human nature studies other islands closely, noting differences and similarities, and hypothesizing about cause and effect on these other islands. From time to time they can exchange observations with the inhabitants of other islands, although nobody really can fully grasp their own terrain and may not communicate clearly.
Others, however, don't bother much, and just assume all islands are the same as theirs.
I seem to overthink people's interactions with me, as if I were just as important to them as they are for me. But usually, I'm not as important to them as they are for me- and that's totally okay. There may always be an imbalance and relationships don't always have to be in complete equilibrium.
If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle. - Sun Tzu, The Art of War
If knowing the thoughts of another person were a pointless endeavor then this quote would be worthless. It has, however, always proven to be true. But history- and life- shows it holds up. If you truly grasp someone’s motivations and desires, you can often anticipate their actions.
When you spend time observing someone closely, with a clear and unbiased mind, you can develop an almost intuitive sense of what they’re thinking. It’s not magic, it’s just paying attention. When you spend a great deal of time with or around another person and are attentive and honest with yourself (not polluting your observations with bias) then you can definitely predict what they're thinking with a high degree of accuracy.
In short, some things I've learned:
- I don't have to save everyone, not everything is my responsibility. I am not anyone's parent.
- A question is easier to digest than a statement. A question invites reflection that leads the train of thought to the problem you want to highlight.
- People have the right to make mistakes and learn from them. Unless it’s causing harm or serious consequences, it’s often best to let them figure it out on their own. No need to get in the way of the learning experience.
~ crashin' out,
<3 K