208. A serial solo dater
Tuesdays and Thursdays are writing club days, it's a good time for me to catch up with the blog. It's a good routine for me to have when I'm settled down back in the city. I was catching up with the co-host of the writing club who is also my friend, a physics professor from Greece. I am just a regular member of the writing club, but I'd sometimes step in as a stand-in host if the co-hosts arenโt around. Some of the duties entail welcoming the other writers, talking with them, ensuring the visitors that theyโre welcome and included in the writing group. Writing can be a lonely pursuit, and community helps.
Tuesdays tend to be quieter, a smaller circle of writers gathering to write. Thursdays often has a bigger crowd of writers because itโs at a later time during the day. Let's be real, half of us show up because we know we're all going to the pub after ๐ hehe.
I met a young woman during the writing sesh on Tuesday. She told me that sheโs a content creator (Others * * * and I have some qualms about content creators, but honestly, if it's good and meaningful content then I guess it's alright.). To me, "content creator" is a zeitgeist marker that I dislike because it's reductive. Those people do a lot of stuff and wear lots of hats omg. However, I have both respect and disdain for the occupation. It's draining workload, which I feel pity for, and the challenges of often being creatively pressured is just an incredible feat. On one hand, the grind is relentless since creativity is on demand. However, it seems like a lot of people get their souls sucked by the job because it is, you know, a job like anything else.
In my experience, I've come across content creators in SE Asia on pub crawls, tourists hotspots, hostels, etc. and have interacted with them. Some content creators are so involved with their craft that they all seem so asinine and superficial because they view everything as consumable. In general, I really think content creators seem like they meet people every day, so their interactions are very detached (perhaps only with me because I think they could tell that I have very polarizing views on social media usage anyway.). Time is money when they're at an event or "experience," so they won't really show you their true side until the smartphones are put away. I believe that I've met enough content creators that are basically human pop-up ads - smiling, performing, networking, but they were never really there. I feel like they look at me and if I don't provide them value or entertainment, I am just nothing to them, just a face in their B-roll.
Some, like the girl I met recently, are refreshingly grounded, just treating it as a gig rather than their entire personality. I respect those ones a lot more. I prefer to talk to these people, they seem to be more down to earth and only do this as another avenue of income. Although, I respect the grind, it seems like using social media as their source of livelihood seems a bit more taxing than expected. A lot of people seem to be "on" all the time for the camera, but seem disconnected as a human. I sympathize with them since being perceived is a very tiring process.
Anyway, she was very kind and explained her content to me, the concept of going on solo dates. At first, I didn't think that solo dates were a very groundbreaking concept. Maybe it's because I'm so used to my own company that I don't really view "solo dates" as an activity that is so revolutionary. But I think it's just a me problem. I don't want to make it seem like this is a conscious statement of independence or an act of defiance. I just do things alone by default. I'm so used to being alone that I really cannot see others' thoughts on this. However, I'm starting to see why it resonates with people.
So, as a survey, I asked my friends about this concept. I got mixed responses:
- "Solo dates are for people who don't really enjoy their own company. My whole life is a solo date." - an American friend who is currently biking across Asia. He just left Japan and is currently in South Korea now.
- "What's a solo date?" (me, explaining: You go on a date by yourself) "Isn't that everyday life when not in a social situation." - a Peruvian friend currently studying in Finland
- "I have fun for like an hour, but any longer than that I want to be home. I don't really get it tbh" - An friend in the US that has a bunny that he likes to hang out with
- "Solo dates are just called treating yourself as if you were on a date." - A hometown friend who has been on many dates, with or without people
- "Historically in Britain, you're considered quite lonely doing stuff on your own. Everything is made for being with people. But personally I have no issue. I do solo dates like doing stuff on my own often so. It's just a lot of people can't stand to be by themselves." - A British friend I made while he was teaching refugees in Malaysia, just moved back to the UK
- "I think they're essential to my own sense of self - to know what I want and what I like and who I am, independent of other relationships, and then to love that person of my own volition." - A Malaysian friend who is a food reviewer, stand-up comedian, artist in general
- "Bro what is a solo date- aren't those opposites?" - A friend from Luton, who is currently at Mecca rn
- "I think it's good. You are the person you have to live with for the rest of your life.. Sooo you should learn to get along with yourself. Does get lonely at times yeah" - A Latvian friend that I went on three dates with (lol), currently in Bali, Indonesia
- "I don't really know the meaning but since I am single I do hang out alone a lot, movie theater, restaurants" -A French friend who likes to dance with me at the club!
- "We should normalize them... but not actually call them "solo dates" mygosh" - Another European friend, she's a little bit older heh
A lot of folks are just a little scared. Scared of being alone, of looking lonely, of being seen as the one person that eats alone at restaurants or concerts. When they watch someone confidently take themselves on a date, it's magnetic. It's like that one scene from Last Holiday And I do concur- seeing people go out on their own and have fun on their lonesome is very captivating. I am getting better at understanding that side of things. I used to be a little bit more timid compared to how I am now. I'm just a lover, you know? I love to go on dates, solo or otherwise. I know I have a good sense of self and I will continue to date myself throughout my entire life.
~ a serial solo dater,
<3 K